Dear Old Navy,
I’m not going to go all John Moore on you and analyze the problems with your brands, because lord knows there are plenty, but I do want to let you know that I need to end our email relationship. I’m not sure why I fell for you in the first place to be honest. Maybe it was a late night affair with your web site for a pair of cheap jeans, maybe it was my marketing curiosity, wanting to keep track of what you’re up to – I’m really not sure – but I need to end it now.
Why am I breaking up with you? Because I only wanted to be contacted by you and your hot sister (company), Banana Republic, from time to time. I didn’t subscribe to receive offers from your newly adopted footwear company, hence you are technically spamming me.
I’m sure you didn’t see this coming, but that’s the sort of thing that happens when you ignore the risks of violating our relationship.
I wish you the best of luck and want nothing but success for you, but realistically we’ve grown apart and it’s time for me to move on.