Five Types of Drivers It’s OK To Flip Off

Being on the road a lot give me the pleasure of experiencing different towns, cultures and, unfortunately, driving styles. Here’s a quick rundown of five stereotypes that you may have encountered on our nation’s highways and driveways.

1. The Honker

Typically raised in the tri-state New York area, the Honker can’t help but let you know you didn’t pull off the line fast enough, you’re stupidly pausing to let the old lady cross the street or that you didn’t turn fast enough out of a parking lot into oncoming traffic. Yes, the Honker’s patience are thin because he’s in a hurry and can’t be bothered with common decency or respect for the neighborhood’s noise level.

2. Quick Draw McGraw

I never experienced this until moving to New Jersey, but apparently it’s OK to cut off all oncoming traffic on a left hand turn – but only as soon as the light turns green. This was a revelation to me as I normally would wait until a car wasn’t 20 feet in front of me before turning, but apparently if you don’t cut someone off as soon as the light turns green you’re an asshole for not turning. Huh.

3. Jerry, The Race Car Driver

Maybe it’s because I grew up in the Motor City but it seems like every moron with a Hemi or import sports car that pulls up next to me wants to drag race. I’m not sure if it’s the greased-back hair, the hand rolled cigarette behind my ear or the leather jacket and white t-shirt, but for some reason me in a Honda Pilot full of kids makes the jerk next to me think I’m up for a race. I’m not. I’m just trying to get to the Whole Foods to buy some organic milk, dick.

4. My Right Hand Man

Yet another Jersey phenomenon, but there’s no need to pull up right next to me in the parking lane to try and get ahead. Sit back, stay in line and we’ll all make it through. You cutting ahead in line doesn’t make things go faster, it just creates a traffic jam in the intersection.

5. The Moving Coffin

This one might upset a few people, but I’ll disclose that this one isn’t mine, which thereby relieves me of all legal and “OMFG I’M OFFENDED AND I REALIZE THAT THE F IN OMFG COULD OFFEND SOMEONE ELSE” hissy fits. I’m not here to advocate for death planning, but putting Grandpa in his Sunday best, strapping him in with a seatbelt in the DeSoto and sending him off on the road to die isn’t exactly helpful to those of us trying to get somewhere. Here’s how you know it’s time to get off the road: You can no longer drive and hold your jaw shut at the same time.

Any others I missed?

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  1. dbinkowski says:

    Only a dumbass Sox fan would risk going to jail for disorderly conduct to spite a baseball team. Dumbass. 😛

  2. dbinkowski says:

    This is true, but every once in a while I'll flip it to someone intentionally pulling a dick move.

  3. dbinkowski says:

    Only a dumbass Sox fan would risk going to jail for disorderly conduct to spite a baseball team. Dumbass. 😛

  4. dbinkowski says:

    Only a dumbass Sox fan would risk going to jail for disorderly conduct to spite a baseball team. Dumbass. 😛

  5. dbinkowski says:

    This is true, but every once in a while I'll flip it to someone intentionally pulling a dick move.

  6. dbinkowski says:

    This is true, but every once in a while I'll flip it to someone intentionally pulling a dick move.

  7. Vinny says:

    If you can name any one person in that list you wouldn't flip off, I'll happily retract the whole list :-)As for the reality, these are the people that piss me off, but I rarely flip another driver off. I just don't care to waste that much emotion on some idiot who can't drive.

  8. Vinny says:

    If you can name any one person in that list you wouldn't flip off, I'll happily retract the whole list :-)As for the reality, these are the people that piss me off, but I rarely flip another driver off. I just don't care to waste that much emotion on some idiot who can't drive.

  9. Don Martelli says:

    I just flip off NYers…especially ones wearing Skankee's hats. cc @dbinkowski

  10. Jeez, Vin… I guess being a NYer means you flip everyone off? 😉 lol

  11. Vinny says:

    1. "I know the speed limit is 60, but that doesn't mean I have to drive at that speed even if I'm in the left lane." guy.2. "Oh look how long this on-ramp is! I can drive almost a quarter mile before I have to cut right in front of you!" guy.3. "I have to turn in front of you or across you. The 6 miles of empty space behind you is no good for me." guy.4. "I don't believe in pulling over to the sidewalk when I double to pick someone up, even if there's an empty space right there." guy.5. "I'm in the left lane but I need to be in the right and not miss my exit, so we're driving at 20 until someone lets me over." guy.6. "Ooh a cop! Slam on the brakes! Wait, he's giving a ticket to someone already? Slam on the brakes anyway!" guy.7. Guy who stops next to a driveway to a parking lot, blocking it so you can't get in when he could've left enough room for you, with your turn signal on, to pass by.8. Speaking of turn signals, don't forget "This car is $60,000 and doesn't come with turn signals" guy.9. I'm also not a big fan of "My kids are out of control so I must discipline them while driving thereby moving at a ripe 15 mph and swerving in and out of my lane" guy.10. And of course there's "Highbeams-a-blazin' guy who hits you with his highbeams in the middle lane or the right lane when he could easily go around, but he doesn't want to, he wants YOUR lane" guy.I think there are more, but those are the ones I can come up with off the top of my head.

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